Things Ke Says

On Idols.

Mon, 17 Sep 2012 12:55:47 -0400

Lauren: I just saw Clint Eastwood at a restaurant.

Ke: Did he punch anyone in the face?

"I don’t think I can drink enough to be around a bunch of teenagers."

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 13:27:40 -0400

“I don’t think I can drink enough to be around a bunch of teenagers.”

- On Music Festivals.

"So much drama, it’s like Desperate Housewives for 4-year-olds."

Tue, 21 Aug 2012 21:23:24 -0400

“So much drama, it’s like Desperate Housewives for 4-year-olds.”

- On Barbie books.

"I’ll put it in terms you can understand. This is my “Little Mermaid”."

Thu, 26 Jul 2012 15:23:51 -0400

“I’ll put it in terms you can understand. This is my “Little Mermaid”.”

- On His Affinity For Batman.

"Ke: There’s no such thing as a unicorn! Me: Ringling Bros Circus genetically bred a giant goat..."

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 16:04:36 -0400

“Ke: There’s no such thing as a unicorn!
Me: Ringling Bros Circus genetically bred a giant goat once that had only one -
Ke: Yeah, that was Yao Ming! We genetically bred that shit!”

- On genetic engineering

"It’s gonna be raining abs if I don’t put a shirt on."

Fri, 25 May 2012 23:29:11 -0400

“It’s gonna be raining abs if I don’t put a shirt on.”

- On public nudity

"I appreciate alcohol in general."

Wed, 23 May 2012 20:33:23 -0400

““I appreciate alcohol in general.””

- On the subject of wine appreciation classes.

"I asked for a cooler that’s as cool as Samuel L. Jackson, I see R.E.I. has delivered."

Fri, 11 May 2012 20:02:34 -0400

““I asked for a cooler that’s as cool as Samuel L. Jackson, I see R.E.I. has delivered.””

- on Chilling (beverages)

"I’M NOT ORGANIZING THIS, I’M DRUNK."

Thu, 10 May 2012 11:00:00 -0400

““I’M NOT ORGANIZING THIS, I’M DRUNK.””

- on Social Events

"I never dance, but that day I got my disco bitch on."

Mon, 07 May 2012 15:34:00 -0400

“I never dance, but that day I got my disco bitch on.”

- On Girl Talk’s performance at Coachella, (via Jeff L.)

Young Ke.

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 21:38:02 -0400

Young Ke.

"I gave you drunk career advice? On the street? ..Was it useful?"

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 13:57:37 -0400

“I gave you drunk career advice? On the street? ..Was it useful?”

- On memory

"Right now, I smell like gun powder, BBQ, and scotch. This is as manly as I will ever smell."

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 13:00:18 -0400

“Right now, I smell like gun powder, BBQ, and scotch. This is as manly as I will ever smell.”

- On Texas.

Amy: They all made bad decisions - they went for the hot stripper girlfriends, who ended up moving out with all their stuff.

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 19:26:00 -0500

Amy: They all made bad decisions - they went for the hot stripper girlfriends, who ended up moving out with all their stuff.
Ke: I’d be totally fine with that! It’s just stuff, and you get to sleep with strippers!
— On Dating (submitted by Matt H.)

Canadian Dave: I choose to believe that you really meant to say the sake of connivance ("Willingness to secretly allow or be involved in an immoral or illegal act.")

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 20:02:02 -0500

Canadian Dave: I choose to believe that you really meant to say the sake of connivance ("Willingness to secretly allow or be involved in an immoral or illegal act.")

Ke: Oh Dave, you know me so well.

- On misspelling "convenience".

"I think I just convinced our director to advertise on the back of fortune cookie papers. I said it..."

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 20:01:00 -0500

““I think I just convinced our director to advertise on the back of fortune cookie papers. I said it as a joke, but he’s taking it very seriously.””

- On marketing.

Ke: I can't remember much after the second Volcano Bowl.

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 14:43:42 -0500

Ke: I can't remember much after the second Volcano Bowl.

Lauren: You were humping a parked car for a while.

Ke: What?!

Ke: What kind of car was it?

"But who is going to be there at the wedding saying One Two Three?"

Tue, 28 Feb 2012 14:40:59 -0500

““But who is going to be there at the wedding saying One Two Three?””

- On Waltz Lessons

"I’m giving up Lent for booze."

Sat, 21 Jan 2012 23:25:04 -0500

“I’m giving up Lent for booze.”

- On Religion.

"Just the other day I bought cheesecloth on Amazon. CHEESECLOTH! I could have just walked a block to..."

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 22:19:19 -0500

“Just the other day I bought cheesecloth on Amazon. CHEESECLOTH! I could have just walked a block to Walgreens”

- On amazon addiction